EPISODE GUIDE

1- Ramon
Capt. Barney Miller's wife, Elizabeth, tries to talk him into quitting his job and moving to a quieter, more rural area to start a chicken ranch. Meanwhile at the police station, a teenage drug addict, Ramon, gets Fish's gun and is holding the squad at bay.

2- Experience
Barney has to talk Fish out of early retirement while investigating a bomber who is blowing up public buildings.

3- Snow Job
An exhibitionist in a snowstorm, an armored-car drivers' strike and no heat create chaos for Barney at the police station.

4- Graft
Barney's men are accused of being on the take after a former detective from his squad becomes a member of the Internal Affairs unit.

5- The Courtesans
Wojo (Stan Wojciehowicz) goes to Barney for advice when he becomes attracted to one of the girls he arrested at Rose's Village-A-Go-Go.

6- The Stakeout
Barney and his squad stake out a drug drop at an apartment house, but he fears their cover will be blown by visiting tenants.

7- The Bureaucrat
A Washington bureaucrat gets drunk in Barney's precinct and ends up in the squad room cell. Guest Star: David Wayne

8- Ms. Cop
The new female cop assigned to Barney's precinct does all the typing while the other detectives are out catching bank robbers. Guest Star: Linda Lavin

9- The Vigilante
Chano has to arrest an irate citizen who's been defending the neighborhood from muggers.

10- The Guest
Barney's squad has the job of protecting a government witness from a crime syndicate. Guest Star: Herb Edelman

11- The Escape Artist
Barney's squad apprehends an escaped convict and then must hold him until he's returned to jail. Guest Star: Roscoe Lee Brown

12- Hair
In fatigues, gold earrings and beard, Guardeno, a transfer from the narcotics unit, joins Barney's division. Barney has to help him fit in with the squad. Guest Stars: Michael Lembeck, Henry Beckman and Florence Stanley

13- The Hero
Chano becomes depressed after shooting two bank robbers. Barney's wife, Elizabeth, makes a citizen's arrest of an eight-year-old boy. Guest Star: James Gregory

14- Doomsday
A citizen named Weber, wearing a belt of dynamite sticks, demands that all city officials and the governor be arrested. Guest Star: William Windom

15- The Social Worker
Elizabeth has Barney worried when she takes a job as a social worker in a tough part of the Bronx.

16- The Lay-Off
Just as the precinct is having an upsurge in crime, Barney is ordered to downsize his unit by three officers.

17- Ambush
Detective Kelly is assigned to fill in for Yemana but he doesn't get along with the rest of the squad. Meanwhile, Barney gets an offer to become a police chief in Florida.

18- Heat Wave
Members of Barney's squad resort to wearing dresses during a heat wave to help female detectives Wentworth and Bailey catch a rapist.

19- The Arsonist
Harris uses psychology to find an arsonist plaguing the precinct. Chano arrests a man for shooting a candy machine.

20- Grand Hotel
Wojciehowicz and Detective Janice Wentworth check into a plush New York hotel, posing as husband and wife, to discover who has been robbing the guests. Guest Star: Linda Lavin

21- Discovery
One of Barney's detectives is accused of extortion by a member of the gay community.

22- You Dirty Rat
Barney's detectives are short two kilos of marijuana for the narcotics squad. Wojciehowicz is bitten by a rat at the precinct house.

23- Horse Thief
A bicentennial celebration in New York brings out a horse thief, a tourist with a black eye and a "lady" who sells $60 bicentennial buttons.

24- Rain
An endless rainstorm causes the detectives to fear the collapse of their precinct roof.

25- Fish
Fish's doctor puts him on restricted duty and he has to train a new man on the squad.

26- Hot Dogs
Two off-duty policewomen cause havoc for Barney and his men when they make arrests on a college campus.

27- Protection
When the rumor spreads that Barney's station is being closed down, a protection racket springs up in the neighborhood.

28- Happy New Year
Barney's detectives face a New Year's Eve of jumpers, drunks and pickpockets, as well as an expectant mother about to give birth.

29- The Sniper
While Fish is handling a family dispute involving a wife who plans to visit Saturn, Wojo is being shot at outside the 12th precinct station house.

30- Fear of Flying
Wojo is afraid of flying a prisoner to Cleveland.

31- Block Party
Chano and Janice are assigned to cover a block party, thus arousing the jealousy of Wojo, who has been dating Janice.

32- Massage Parlor
Janice arrests a cowboy at a massage parlor and an old lady mugs a man.

33- The Psychiatrist
A psychiatrist decides that Wojo is unfit to carry a gun and, as a result, wants to test all of Barney's men.

34- The Kid
Romance enters Fish's life when the attractive mother of a juvenile pickpocket comes to plead for her son. The situation presents problems in the form of Bernice, Fish's wife.

35- The Mole
Fish must decide between an operation and a lifetime of sitting on a rubber cushion. Wojo and Harris have to chase a burglar through the sewers of New York.

36- Evacuation
Fish meets his match in a young girl he picks up for theft. Wojo, the precinct's public information officer, inadvertently starts a rumor about an impending disaster for the city.

37- Quarantine, Part 1
When the station is quarantined, Barney and his detectives are stuck with a man who has a mysterious fever, a prostitute and Inspector Luger.

38- Quarantine, Part 2
When the station is quarantined, Barney and his detectives are stuck with a man who has a mysterious fever, a prostitute and Inspector Luger.

39- The Election
Some of the problems faced by police on election night include a rich man who shoplifts lingerie and a pedestrian hit by a flying toilet seat.

40- Werewolf
Barney's jail is occupied by a man convinced he will turn into a werewolf at midnight and commit horrible murders.

41- Bus Stop
Driver, passengers and a suspect end up in the 12th precinct when a hijacked bus crashes in the neighborhood.

42- The Recluse
Detectives must arrest a 70-year-old man who hasn't left his apartment for 35 years, as well as cope with two runaways and a preacher of doom. Guest Star: James Daly

43- Non-Involvement
A detective arrests a citizen on a charge of non-involvement when the man refuses to help catch a criminal.

44- Power Failure
Barney has problems when the lights go out in the 12th precinct and a female psychiatrist takes a shine to him.

45- Christmas Story
Christmas Eve sees no decrease in crime. Fish goes undercover dressed as Santa Claus to capture a crook.

46- Hash
Barney discovers that the strange behavior of several detectives resulted from the consumption of hashish-laden brownies.

47- Smog Alert
A man who writes obscene graffiti and a woman who has attempted suicide meet in jail and are immediately attracted to each other.

48- Community Relations
The detectives of the 12th Precinct have to cope with an irate landlord, a musket toting oldster and a blind shoplifter.

49- The Rand Report
A report critical of detectives upsets the 12th Precinct and Wojo threatens to resign when he learns he'll have to walk a beat.

50- Fire 77
A religious criminal scolds Wojo for not attending Mass regularly and then sets the police station on fire.

51- The Abduction
The parents of a runaway girl attempt to snatch her away from a religious cult and Barney has to work out a reconciliation.

52- Sex Surrogate
Barney must decide whether a sex therapy clinic offers legitimate therapy or if it's just a cover for prostitution.

53- Moonlighting
While Detective Harris struggles to hold down two jobs, his colleagues deal with a minister who sells stolen goods and a bookmaker who uses a retarded boy as a numbers runner.

54- Asylum
Barney locks horns with the State Department when Wojo grants political asylum to a defecting Russian musician.

55- Group Home
Sgt. Fish is disguised as a woman on the anti-mugging squad, while the other detectives try to catch a man seeking revenge against the U.S. Army. Guest Star: James Cromwell

56- Strike, Part 1
The detectives of the 12th precinct must search their consciences and weigh the moral and ethical consequences of a police strike.

57- Strike, Part 2
When his men go on strike, Barney tries to run the 12th precinct single-handedly while also dealing with a man-hungry spinster.

58- Good-bye Mr. Fish, Part 1

Worried about Sgt. Fish, who has failed to arrive for his last day of work before retirement, Barney must deal with trigger-happy vigilantes.

59- Good-bye Mr. Fish, Part 2
Faced with the pressure and finality of his retirement, Fish deludes himself into believing that he will continue working.

60- Bugs
Barney and his detectives become nervous and paranoid when a fumigator discovers a hidden microphone in the squad room.

61- Corporation
An ecology-minded graffiti artist threatens to protest environmental contamination by committing suicide in the squad room.

62- Burial
When a body is stolen from a local mortuary, Barney receives help from an unexpected source-retired detective Fish.

63- Copy Cat
Barney's men apprehend a drunk who tried to rob a store without a weapon and a crook who has been getting all his ideas from TV police shows.

64- Blizzard
As the city is brought to a standstill by a blizzard, Barney and his men are plagued by a dead body, an irate lawyer and a deranged citizen who claims that a new ice age has begun.

65- Chase
An undercover officer from Internal Affairs is sent to investigate the officers' integrity at the 12th precinct.

66- Thanksgiving Story
On Thanksgiving, Barney and his men arrest a man who stabbed his brother-in-law over a piece of turkey and three escaped mental patients, causing a disturbance at an automat.

67- The Tunnel
Wojo is buried alive, the precinct's telephones go dead and Harris still hasn't found an apartment with a terrace.

68- Atomic Bomb
Barney sends for the FBI when the bomb squad brings in an atomic bomb designed by a student for his master's thesis.

69- The Bank
Barney handles a dispute between the operator of a sperm bank and an outraged customer who claims that his deposit has been destroyed.

70- The Ghost
The detectives of the 12th precinct encounter a series of strange events after arresting a man who claims to be haunted by a poltergeist named Julius.

71- Appendicitis
As Barney and his detectives deal with a sugar addict and an elderly bounty hunter, Detective Yemana suddenly doubles over with appendicitis.

72- The Rape
Barney seeks help from a female district attorney when a woman brings a charge of rape against her husband. Guest Star: Linda Dano

73- Eviction, Part 1
Barney fights to forestall the eviction of a tenement full of impoverished tenants.

74- Eviction, Part 2
Although relieved of his command, Barney is the only officer with whom the tenants of a condemned building will negotiate for a non-violent exodus. Guest Star: Bruce Kirby

75- Wojo's Problems
Barney has his hands full with a wheelchair-bound shoplifter, a new detective and Wojo, who is having trouble with the opposite sex.

76- Quo Vadis?
An irate citizen complains of the pornography being displayed at a distinguished art gallery. Meanwhile, Barney and his wife face a marital crisis brought on by the dangers of police work.

77- The Hostage
A wild-eyed gunman forces Barney and his men to serve time in their own jail with a loony ventriloquist and his obscene dummy.

78- Evaluation
Evaluation reports worry the officers while they're trying to contend with the elderly, married proprietors of a vandalized pornography shop, and an assailant who will give no name, only a number.

79- The Sighting
A wife claims that her husband is converting her assets into gold. The Air Force investigates Wojo's claim of having seen a UFO.

80- Inauguration
The mayoral inauguration is hectic for the 12th precinct officers as they rescue a would be political suicide, investigate the new mayor's hate mail and learn of the resignation of Harris, who has been asked to work on the mayor's staff.

81- Kidnapping, Part 1
It's a tough case for Barney and the men of the 12th precinct when a department store owner is kidnapped and his captors demand that his merchandise be given away to the public.

82- Kidnapping, Part 2
It's a tough case for Barney and the men of the 12th precinct when a department store owner is kidnapped and his captors demand that his merchandise be given away to the public.

83- The Search
Barney and his men confront another busy day which includes a man missing for 28 years and the arrest of educational television's "Mr. Science." Guest Star: Bruce Kirby

84- Dog Days
After a painful case of bite and run, Wojo faces the prospect of rabies, unless he can overcome his fear of needles. Guest Star: Rosalind Cash

85- The Baby Broker
During a hectic day, Barney's men encounter an illegal adoption ring, a man writing a book on obscenity and Officer Levitt, who has been working 36 hours straight after taking some pep pills.

86- The Accusation
Scanlon of Internal Affairs investigates when a young lady accuses Dietrich of improper conduct. Also, a Rabbi is arrested for running a charitable gambling casino in his temple. Guest Stars: George Murdock, Michael Tucci

87- The Prisoner
While Barney receives embarrassing marital counseling from the chaplain, the detectives arrest a parolee who wants to return to prison and a cat burglar's widow who has inherited the family business.

88- Loan Shark
Yemana rebels after 20 years of being taken for granted on the force. Other detectives arrest a 14-year-old loan shark and two men fighting over a tattoo.

89- The Vandal
The squad room suffers an attack of vandalism, and an argument between a TV executive and a dissatisfied viewer leads to some real-life violence. Guest Star: Christopher Lloyd

90- The Harris Incident
Detective Harris is seething after being shot at by two uniformed policemen. Meanwhile, Wojo arrests a beggar who has a wife, a house, a family and a maid.

91- The Radical
Inspector Luger suffers a possible heart attack while arguing with a longtime fugitive, a once famous radical who is disappointed that his arrest is causing no excitement.

92- Toys
Problems with his estranged wife make it difficult for Barney to deal with a claustrophobic holdup man and a toy-store burglary.

93- The Indian
The detectives investigate an unusual shoe thief while Wojo befriends an elderly Indian who wishes to die with dignity-in Central Park.

94- Voice Analyzer
Due to reports of police corruption, Barney and his men must all take a newfangled, lie-detector test, and all pass but one.

95- The Spy
Barney's detectives and a few citizens are held up at gunpoint by an unemployed spy who is convinced that he is the victim of a government conspiracy.

96- Wojo's Girl, Part 1
Wojo struggles with an impulse to settle down with his latest lady. Meanwhile, a paramilitary organization that recruits would-be soldiers of fortune is discovered.

97- Wojo's Girl, Part 2
Wojo struggles with an impulse to settle down with his latest lady. Meanwhile, a paramilitary organization that recruits would-be soldiers of fortune is discovered.

98- Middle Age
Barney finds his graceful transition into middle age destroyed by the sudden concern of his men for his mental and physical health.

99- The Counterfeiter
The detectives of the 12th precinct try to catch a counterfeiter and break up a fight between a plastic surgeon and his client.

100- Open House
Only a few hungry bums show up for an open house at the 12th precinct. Guest Star: Christopher Lloyd

101- Identity
Officer Levitt goes undercover, a robber turns out to be someone he's not and Dietrich saves Harris' life.

102- Computer Crime
Barney's officers catch a man in the computer room of the large brokerage firm where he works, carrying a valuable stamp collection.

103- Graveyard Shift
Harris starts another novel about police life. A bomb threat from a neighbor clears the station house. A tourist gets a first hand glimpse of the NYPD. And a man fights a succubus.

104- Jack Soo, a Retrospective
Nick Yemana is fondly remembered by Barney and the detectives in this tribute to the late Jack Soo.

105- Inquisition
An attack on a department store's "canned music" system, a holdup in an adult bookstore and an unsigned letter from a 12th precinct officer containing a surprise disclosure plunge the department into turmoil.

106- The Photographer
A drug pusher who's incensed at being arrested by a short cop, a photographer who lures women into a park for larcenous purposes and a man who claims to be Jesus Christ enliven the 12th Precinct.

107- Vacation
With the annual vacation scheduling conflict at hand, Barney and his men have a false alarm case to clear up, as well as a quarrel between brothers over a kidney transplant.

108- The Brother
The 12th precinct is enlivened by the problems of a Catholic friar who has mislaid one of his novitiates in the fleshpots of Manhattan.

109- The Slave
A diplomatic incident is narrowly averted when a minor traffic accident exposes the slave status of a man named Nu. Barney negotiates with the U.N. for Nu's freedom.

110- Strip Joint
Two topless dancers from what turns out to be a government-owned strip joint and a man who claims he will burst into flames at any moment warm up the men of the 12th precinct in more ways than one.

111- The Bird
Barney has problems when Harris finds a publisher for his book about the 12th precinct and Wojo gets a pet parrot.

112- The Desk
While Detective Harris tries to deal with a mugged Amish man, Wojo has his hands full with a lobotomized bank robber and his doctor and lawyer.

113- The Judge
Comedy abounds at the 12th precinct, when Wojo brings in a flaky judge who uses his gavel on the head of a lawyer, and a woman claims that her sexy blonde neighbor is involved in a drug ring.

114- The DNA Story
Outrageous events overtake the precinct when a woman claims that her husband has been replaced by a robot, and a scientist tries to cover up the theft of mutant cultures which might cause an epidemic.

115- The Dentist
A female detective feels rejected when she fails to trap a lecherous dentist, and Wojo takes up an annoying art form.

116- People's Court
While Barney faces eviction, his men arrest a berserk census taker and some neighborhood busybodies who have set up their own legal system.

118- Vanished, Part 1
Harris disappears while working undercover as a skid row bum, and Frank Luger is demoted and assigned to work under Barney.

119- Vanished, Part 2
While everyone searches frantically for Harris, Wojo and Dietrich compete for the attentions of young women with a bizarre proposition.

120- The Child Stealers
Barney's men have their hands full with a self-proclaimed time traveler from the 21st century and a divorced father who tries to kidnap his own son.

121- Guns
Demoted Inspector Luger seems suicidal to Wojo, and Barney has his hands full tracking down some heavy artillery stolen from an illegal connection.

122- Uniform Days
On mandatory "uniform day" Barney and dapper Harris have a confrontation over Harris' refusal to wear full police garb.

123- Dietrich's Arrest, Part 1
Dietrich defies Captain Miller by attending an anti-nuclear power demonstration and winds up on the wrong side of the law when a disturbance breaks out.

124- Dietrich's Arrest, Part 2
Barney reluctantly has Dietrich booked for taking part in an anti-nuclear power demonstration, and a pro-nuke scientist harasses his fellow prisoners by splashing them with "atomic water."

125- The Architect
Two armed hoodlums invade the squad room, but Barney has little time for them because a bomb is about to go off in a building across the street.

126- The Inventor
While a hypnotist tries to extract important clues from Wojo's foggy memory, an inventor tries to steal his own blueprints.

127- Fog
Barney is turned down for a promotion and while he broods about it, his men bring in a burglar who got lost in the fog, a combative blues musician and a socially concerned nut.

128- Homicide, Part 1
When Inspector Luger has Barney and the men of the 12th precinct designated as a "specialty" squad, life in the precinct becomes murder.

129- Homicide, Part 2
Barney and his men are going bananas in their new assignment as homicide detectives, so Barney starts a campaign to get his squad's neighborhood duties back.

130- The Delegate
A clockwork bandit, a mysterious cop and a convention delegate keep the men of the 12th precinct busy.

131- Dorsey
Chaos ensues when a new detective sparks jealously in Officer Levitt, then drops a real bombshell by accusing his fellow investigators of being on the take.

132- Agent Orange
Vietnam vet Wojo turns a routine robbery investigation into an indictment of the establishment when he discovers that he was exposed to hazardous chemicals.

133- Call Girl
Dietrich embarks on a campaign to avoid women, only to find the squad room filled with gorgeous call girls.

134- Resignation
Dietrich hands in his resignation because he doesn't like the idea of shooting at fleeing suspects. Levitt thinks this is his big chance to move up to detective.

135- Field Associate
Someone is finking to Internal Affairs. Wojo manipulates the good captain into exposing the informer.

136- Movie, Part 1
As Lt. Scanlon closes in on a gay cop, Harris turns a low-budget pornography investigation into a major motion picture.

137- Movie, Part 2
Harris' "official" decoy porno film is finally finished, $19,000 over budget, and the world premiere sends shock waves through the squad.

138- The Psychic
Tensions run high when a psychic, arrested for pummeling a would-be purse snatcher, predicts disaster for Harris, who is out on an armed robbery call.

139- Stormy Weather
Levitt comes to the rescue with his knowledge of sign language when a deaf woman is picked up for soliciting. Wojo swims the icy Hudson River in hot pursuit of a burglar.

140- The Librarian
A simple case of vandalism unearths a Nazi war criminal, and Barney's men are suddenly involved in international law.

141- Rache
Barney has misgivings when Wojo, who has quite a reputation with women, makes a date with his daughter Rachel.

142- Contempt, Part 1
Barney is jailed for contempt of court when he refuses to name an informant.

143- Contempt, Part 2
While Barney's lawyer and the judge are seeking a compromise, Barney cools his heels in a cell with a murder suspect.

144- The Doll
A day of hilarity and hysteria dawns on Barney and his men when they look for a doll kidnapper, a man is conned out of $500 for a trip on the space shuttle, and Inspector Luger writes Barney into his will.

145- Lady and the Bomb
An agitated woman with a homemade pressure cooker bomb threatens to blow up the squad room. Meanwhile, the verdict in Harris' libel suit is finally reached and retired Fish makes a surprise visit. Guest Star: Abe Vigoda

146- Riot
When Inspector Luger tries to mollify a militant crowd of Hassidic Jews, a demonstration turns into a riot.

147- Vests
Chaos prevails at the 12th precinct with the arrival of the bulletproof vests, and an urgent call comes in that someone is barricaded in an apartment with two shotguns.

148- The Rainmaker
While Barney's men threaten to leave the 12th for promotions at another precinct, the whole squad gets a laugh out of a self-proclaimed rainmaker who is arrested for attempting to seed the clouds and end New York's drought.

149- Liquidation
Harris faces instant poverty when the court rules against him. Dietrich helps a humble news dealer with a grievance against a multi-national corporation.

150- Paternity
Wojo is slapped with a paternity suit and then gets even more shocking news. Dietrich arrests a man who has gone berserk in a movie theatre, and Harris helps a beauty contestant after a mugging.

151- Advancement
Luger's pending retirement has the lonely inspector considering a mail-order bride from the Far East.

152- The Car
A car that was stolen 25 years ago is found in perfect condition, a sanitation officer freaks out and assaults a litterbug and little Levitt becomes a hero.

153- Possession
Barney seeks help from the police chaplain when a meek man throws trash through a department store window, and, claiming to be the devil, demands an exorcism.

154- Stress Analyzer
Dietrich's portable stress analyzer stops measuring stress while he's out on call, leading his colleagues to believe that he's dead.

155- Games
Barney and his men become embroiled with the KGB and the shipping of computer microchips behind the Iron Curtain.

156- Homeless
A simple arrest leads to a major fiasco for Barney and his men when the 12th precinct is flooded with homeless people, stranded by a blizzard.

157- The Tontine
Barney and his men cope with an old man who has tried to commit suicide so his cousin will collect the insurance money.

158- Examination Day
Because most of the force is taking a department exam, the plainclothes officers of the 12th precinct go back into uniform, walking beats and working with Inspector Luger.

159- The Clown
A mugged clown, a busload of rowdy convicts just released from prison and a highly unethical police recruiter from New Mexico make anything but a quiet night for Barney and the guys.

160- Chinatown, Part 1
Barney and his men scramble to cope with gang warfare in Chinatown when the mayor demands action.

161- Chinatown, Part 2
Tensions mount as Harris and Dietrich stay locked up in a hotel room with a key witness to a gang murder.

162- Hunger Strike
Harris brings in a man who chained himself to a fence to begin a hunger strike protesting world conditions and the loss of his cleaning deposit.

163- Arrival
Luger's mail-order bride arrives and, not wanting to cope with the situation, Luger tells Barney to "handle it" since he wrote the letters in the first place.

164- Obituary
Barney's birthday is celebrated amidst chaos when a man starts stealing frozen surplus chickens, and another man assaults a reporter for prematurely writing his obituary.

165- Inquiry
Wojo prompts a full-scale departmental investigation when he nicks a liquor store robber who shoots at him.

166- Old Love
Dietrich's girlfriend from his days as a radical student visits the 12th precinct, and the flames of an old love are being rekindled-with a married woman.

167- Altercation
Harris hits a lawyer in the nose, creating commotion in the precinct house.

168- Bones
The 12th precinct suffers through a coffeeless day because of plumbing problems while the men cope with an American Indian protesting the desecration of his ancestors' remains.

169- Landmark, Part 1
Barney and his men get disturbing news that their precinct building may be for sale.

170- Landmark, Part 2
Barney and his men get 30 days to move after investor Jack Norell announces he has bought the 12th precinct building and intends to renovate it.

171- Landmark, Part 3
Barney and his men receive their final orders and transfers as their last day arrives in the 12th precinct building. It's a tearful day as the door closes on the 12th precinct.